Tuesday Evening Kicker: 2021 Week 5 Recap

Some weeks you turn on the slate of football games and nothing intrigues you, so you turn off the TV and go outside for some fresh air. That must have been what fans of the MFFL were doing worldwide as Week 5’s slate of games were atrocious. The closest battle was decided by 21.68 points, although it was in one of the lowest-scoring games in recent memory. Switzerland won a North Division battle by 25.22 points. The rest of the action was ugly, specifically the 115-point whooping in the East Division.

QB Tom Brady scored 42.7 points to lead Switzerland to their 5th-straight win.
QB Tom Brady scored 42.7 points to lead Switzerland to their 5th-straight win.

Squirrels stay perfect, take big lead in North Division

Switzerland Squirrels 206.9, Russia Renegades 181.68 — The Squirrels asserted their control of the North Division with a fifth-straight victory on the season and a second win against a North rival. Tom Brady blew up for 42.7 points with 400 yards passing and 5 touchdowns. Kareem Hunt (28.3) and Michael Pittman (24.65) had big performances against their former team, the Renegades. Cordarrelle Patterson – yes, that guy – continues to play out of his mind, tallying 25.45 points. Cooper Kupp added 20.7 and Aaron Jones tacked on a modest 17.7. For the Renegades, Lamar Jackson led all scorers this week with 49.98 points in the loss. Najee Harris pitched in 26.8 points and Justin Jefferson tallied 24.4 points, while CeeDee Lamb added 22 points. Next Week: Switzerland looks to stay unbeaten when they take on a floundering Wake Island squad. Russia looks to bounce back against Nagasaki.

RB Ezekiel Elliott scored 29.4 points to lead Ecuador to a big divisional victory.
RB Ezekiel Elliott scored 29.4 points to lead Ecuador to a big divisional victory.

Ewoks score big divisional win, move into second place in the West

Ecuador Ewoks 179.02, Jamaica Jerks 146.47 — Ecuador picked up a huge victory over division rival Jamaica and now sits in second place in the West. Ezekiel Elliott led the way with 29.4 points. DeAndre Hopkins (25.95), Dawson Knox (23.2), and Tim Patrick (20.65) all had strong performances as well. DeVonta Smith (17.2) and Tony Pollard (17.1) were key contributors in the victory, too. Mike Evans (33.8) and Alexander Mattison (30.3) led the way in the loss for the Jerks. Joe Burrow pitched in 23.57 points and Keenan Allen tallied 17.25. Four players scored in single digits, including Chris Carson who missed the game. Next Week: Ecuador will try to keep things moving forward when they face Turkey. Jamaica looks to rebound against a tough Bangkok team.

WR Mike Williams tallied 43 points in Bangkok's big win.
WR Mike Williams tallied 43 points in Bangkok’s big win.

Blitz win third in a row, second against South foe

Bangkok Blitz 226.32, Turkey Jerky 190.75 — Bangkok had to shake off some early season rust, but now try to stop them. The Blitz cruised to a second-straight divisional victory with a 36-point victory over Turkey. Mike Williams – yes, that guy – blew up for 43 points. Austin Ekeler tallied 35.3 points, Jonathan Taylor added 34.9, Antonio Gibson pitched in 25.2, and Tyreek Hill had a modest 20.25. The Jerky had a great offensive performance despite the loss. Davante Adams led the way with 46.1 points. D’Andre Swift (24.6), Leonard Fournette (23.4), Teddy Bridgewater (22.9) and Darrell Henderson (20.3) all had strong performances. Next Week: Bangkok looks to pick up speed when they face Jamaica. Turkey will try to rebound against Ecuador.

RB Derrick Henry scored 36.8 points in Nagasaki's dominating victory.
RB Derrick Henry scored 36.8 points in Nagasaki’s dominating victory.

Kamikazes fly laps around Wake Island, more than double Wookiees’ points

Nagasaki Kamikazes 226.32, Wake Island Wookiees 111.12 — Christmas Island may have competition for that first overall pick next year as the Wookiees have been struggling to find points. In this one, the Wookiees were lapped in scoring by East rival Nagasaki, losing by 115 points. Four Kamikazes players topped 30 points in Derrick Henry (36.8), Robert Woods (34.5), Ja’Marr Chase (32.9) and Kyle Pitts (32.4). Travis Kelce added 22.2 and a reserved Kyler Murray pitched in 18.97. For the Wookiees, James Robinson (25.3) and Matthew Stafford (20.52) led the way in the loss. Damien Williams tallied 19.6 points. The other 7 players in the Wookiees’ lineup scored in the single digits. Next Week: Nagasaki will look to keep cruising when they face Russia. Wake Island will try to beat (or maybe lose to?) the undefeated Squirrels.

QB Josh Allen racked up 40.35 points in San Juan's victory.
QB Josh Allen racked up 40.35 points in San Juan’s victory.

The sting is stronger than the pinch: Scorpions drop the Crabs

San Juan Scorpions 202.35, Christmas Island Crabs 138.25 — San Juan stopped Christmas Island’s winning streak with a convincing 64-point victory. Josh Allen racked up 40.35 points to lead the Scorpions. Alvin Kamara tallied 32.4 points, DK Metcalf added 30.55, and Nick Chubb finished with 28.2. The magic run for Sam Darnold ended in this one as the Crabs’ quarterback finished with just 10.55 points. Mark Andrews led the way with 48.95 points, accounting for 35% of the team’s points. Emmanuel Sanders added 23.15 points and the Baltimore Ravens finished with 15.7. Next Week: San Juan looks to keep rolling against a reeling Egypt team. Christmas Island tries to maintain their pace for the first overall pick against a struggling Ukraine team.

WR Marquise Brown blew up for 38.5 points in Ukraine's close victory.
WR Marquise Brown blew up for 38.5 points in Ukraine’s close victory.

Grainers limp to finish line in wounded warrior battle

Ukraine Grainers 131.55, Egypt Pharaohs 109.87 — What the heck was that? I’m too lazy to do the research, but the 241.42 total points scored by Grainers and Pharaohs had to be among the lowest point totals in recent memory in games between non-tanking teams. To answer my own question, it was because the two teams in this one had a combined 9 players or so out with injuries or COVID, and two others that left with injuries. The two teams had an alarming 10 players combined finish with single-digit scoring. The Grainers managed to outlast the Pharaohs led by 38.5 points from Marquise Brown – yes, that guy. Jalen Hurts backed him up with 28.9 points while Chris Godwin tallied 18.75. Saquon Barkley, who left early with an injury, finished with just 1.3. The Pharaohs, as always, were led by Patrick Mahomes, who scored 26.02 points. Deebo Samuel pitched in with 19.55 points and Sony Michel tallied 13.7 points. Next Week: Ukraine will face a team they should have better luck against in the tanking Crabs. Egypt will face a tough battle against the Scorpions.