Glass half-full, glass half-empty season outlooks for 2021

“You know, some guys would look at this glass and they would say, you know, ‘that glass is half empty.’ Other guys would say, ‘that glass is half full.’ I peg you as a ‘glass is half empty’ kind of guy. Am I right?”
— Gus, Groundhog Day

When you take a look at a roster, do you think that it is halfway to a championship? Or is it halfway to the first pick in next year’s draft? It depends on what roster and whom you ask.

In today’s feature, we look at both the optimistic and pessimistic perspective for each team.

Bangkok Blitz

Glass half-full: This is it. The long wait is finally over. The Blitz have rebuilt their squad and are ready to reap the rewards. Dak Prescott returns healthy and is aided by weapons all around him, putting up monster numbers. The four horsemen whom the Blitz drafted last year — Jonathan Taylor, Clyde Edwards-Helaire, J.K. Dobbins and Antonio Gibson — help blow up the scoreboard on a weekly basis. D.J. Moore finally finds that elusive top tier and the Blitz land a big-time playmaker at receiver who helps put them over the top. The Blitz win the South Division and make a deep playoff run.

Glass half-empty: For whatever reason, Prescott does not live up to the big contract he signed. Maybe he gets hurt again. Maybe he loses some of that rushing ability. Taylor performs to expectations, but Antonio Gibson sees regression and fails to live up to his billing. CEH has another mid-tier RB2 season and J.K. Dobbins is not the workhorse many were expecting when he got drafted last year. Perhaps the Blitz dish out a $20-million-plus contract to a receiver and he becomes the latest victim of the “curse of the overpayment.” The Blitz compete for the division title, and maybe sneak away with it, but they can’t seem to get far in the postseason.

Christmas Island Crabs

Glass half-full: The Crabs execute a series of trades to land some future assets. They acquire a few players in the auction who can help them beyond this season. This year, they assemble just the right squad to play bad enough to land the first pick in the 2022 draft. They manage to roll over their few picks in this year’s draft for some future ones that they can use when they’re ready to compete again. Somehow, in a bizarre way, this seems like the glass-half-full outlook.

Glass half-empty: Whoops. The Crabs can’t quite assemble a team bad enough a la Rachel Phelps from Major League. Somehow, the rag tag squad they put together rallies around one another and strings together a few victories that maybe push them out of contention for the first overall pick. Maybe the Crabs can’t find any takers for their few remaining veterans, and those players aren’t likely to be around when the team is ready to compete again. Try as they may, the Crabs unsuccessfully tank and turn out better than expected production.

Ecuador Ewoks

Glass half-full: With weapons surrounding him, quarterback Ryan Tannehill puts up huge numbers in 2021. He helps lead the Ewoks to a few extra victories. Ezekiel Elliott returns from a down year to put forth a monster season. Tight end Cole Kmet takes a big second-year leap and becomes a reliable tight end target. The Ewoks use their league-leading $73 million in cash to make a few splashes in the auction and assemble a competitive squad that enables them to compete for the postseason.

Glass half-empty: The inevitable has come and the Ewoks are forced to rebuild. With precious few resources available to them at the moment, the team starts selling assets in a similar manner to the fire sale that the Crabs put forth this offseason. Whatever future value the team can get for the pieces that they have now, they explore acquiring it. There just doesn’t seem to be enough value via the auction for the Ewoks to assemble a team that can compete in 2021, so they focus on finding players with a window beyond this year.

Egypt Pharaohs

Glass half-full: Patrick Mahomes returns for another season and assumes the top quarterback spot again. With his ability to light up a scoreboard, he helps the Pharaohs win a few games on his own. Joe Mixon has that long-awaited breakout where he finishes as a bona fide RB1. Ronald Jones brushes off Leonard Fournette and has a successful Year 4. The combination of Tyler Lockett and Deebo Samuel, acquired from the Crabs this offseason, puts up some strong numbers and helps the Pharaohs score consistently this year. The Pharaohs add a few pieces via the auction and it’s just enough firepower to win the South Division title once again as they hope to make a sustained push in the playoffs.

Glass half-empty: The Pharaohs’ grasp on the South Division slips away. The Blitz have a high-powered team and they bump Egypt from its perch. The run game just can’t seem to find its footing with Mixon failing to live up to his talent, Ronald Jones fading fast due to lost touches, and Sony Michel withering away into obscurity. Deebo Samuel never regains his footing after his injury-plagued 2020 season and Tyler Lockett fails to reach that lofty pedestal he found himself on last year. The Pharaohs have to overspend in the auction to land some more pieces in an attempt to win the division, but they just happen to fall short.

Jamaica Jerks

Glass half-full: Joe Burrow returns from his serious injury last year to turn some heads. With an array of talented receivers surrounding him, he starts putting up huge numbers on a consistent basis. Dalvin Cook staves off serious injury for another year and puts up his usual explosive numbers. The team adds another running back via the auction to help him out. Keenan Allen has his usual strong season while Kenny Golladay rebounds from an injury-marred 2020. Laviska Shenault has a second-year breakout and Rob Gronkowski hangs around for another season. The Jerks manage to score enough points to get into the playoffs as a wild card team and even contend in the first round.

Glass half-empty: Neither Burrow nor Cam Newton can establish himself as a consistent weekly starter, and the Jerks receive erratic production from the position. Cook continues to miss time on a yearly basis with sporadic injuries and this year it keeps him from finishing in the Top 5. Keenan Allen is fine per usual but the team can’t find a reliable second receiver to help him out. Golladay is no longer the player he once was and can’t put up consistent numbers despite his big payday. Gronkowski sees regression in his second year in the offense and the team struggles to find production at the tight end position. The Jerks keep things close right down to the last week of the regular season. Maybe they sneak in to the playoffs and maybe not. But either way, they don’t have much promise for a deep playoff run.

Nagasaki Kamikazes

Glass half-full: The MFFL’s highest-paid quarterback, Kyler Murray, proves he’s worth his paycheck by putting up another season of strong production. Newcomer Derrick Henry fights through another grueling workload and continues to put up monster numbers, giving the Kamikazes a weekly floor of reliable production. The Kamikazes add another receiver after shipping away Davante Adams and the combination of DeAndre Hopkins, Chase Claypool or Diontae Johnson, and the new receiver put up big numbers. Travis Kelce does Travis Kelce things and the Kamikazes remain one of the highest-scoring offenses in the league. Finally, after several years of coming up short, the Kamikazes win that elusive title.

Glass half-empty: The curse lives on. After shipping away Davante Adams and the young, promising playmaker, D’Andre Swift, the team puts all its money in Derrick Henry stock and it comes crashing down with an injury. The team can’t find reliable help opposite Henry to help bolster the run game and it becomes a weekly struggle. The Steeler receiver combo fails to distinguish itself and choosing the right player each week becomes a maddening exercise. Perhaps an unfortunate injury befalls one of their stars and the team looks to plug and play backups to try to stem the tide. The Kamikazes reach the playoffs, and perhaps run away with their division, but a tough playoff matchup gets them again.

Russia Renegades

Glass half-full: Lamar Jackson finds the fountain of 2019 when he averaged more than 30 points per game and doesn’t wait until midseason to turn on the jets. Maybe he indeed does throw more as is being speculated. The running backs exceed expectations and someone emerges from the pack as a weekly dependable starter. Calvin Ridley blows up as the featured receiver and both Allen Robinson and Justin Jefferson again put up WR1 numbers. Mike Gesicki finds success with an improved Tua Tagovailoa and puts up enough points to help propel the Renegades offense. Russia contends for the North Division crown and makes a deep playoff run.

Glass half-empty: What we saw from Jackson in 2020 is more the norm than his breakout 2019. Justin Herbert takes a step back in his sophomore season and the Renegades don’t have him to fall back on if Jackson struggles with inconsistency. The backfield remains muddled and deciding which back(s) to play on a weekly basis becomes a difficult chore. Ridley continues to get dinged up and does not have that tremendous breakthrough. Jefferson experiences some regression as a sophomore and CeeDee Lamb or Tee Higgins do not have that breakout second season. The tight end position does not yield consistent production and the Renegades struggle to find the right lineup each week. They make the playoffs but can’t make any progress in advancing.

San Juan Scorpions

Glass half-full: Josh Allen builds upon his breakout third season and continues tearing through opposing defenses. Alvin Kamara puts to rest fears of some kind of regression and he and Nick Chubb continue being a lethal combination. Stefon Diggs and DK Metcalf remain top notch receivers and Terry McLaurin blows up like the world seems to be expecting. Dallas Goedert returns healthy and puts up strong TE1 numbers. Maybe Zach Ertz gets traded and puts up a surprise season. The Scorpions tear through the West and make a deep playoff run to defend their crown.

Glass half-empty: Allen’s newfound accuracy takes a little hit and he also doesn’t run as much. He still puts up QB1 numbers but maybe not top of the league. Kamara does, indeed, lose a step without Drew Brees, and Nick Chubb doesn’t live up to his rising ranking. Both churn out RB1 seasons, but not quite as explosively as expected. Diggs takes a small step back in Year 2 in his new surroundings, Metcalf remains about the same as last year, and McLaurin, while putting up good numbers, doesn’t make that leap into WR1 territory. Irv Smith never takes that next step, Goedert puts up moderate numbers, and Ertz is indeed done. The Scorpions still win the division but can’t successfully defend their championship in a tough Northwest Conference.

Switzerland Squirrels

Glass half-full: The Squirrels nab a veteran quarterback via the auction and use a rotation, if need be, to get better production at the position than they’ve gotten in recent years. Quarterback or not, Aaron Jones has another successful season and the rookie running back that they draft first overall has a big year. Maybe Zack Moss has a big Year 2 breakout or perhaps James Conner is a sleeper this year. The Squirrels retain Michael Thomas and he and Cooper Kupp have big rebound seasons in 2021. Mark Andrews is his usual steady self and the Squirrels get the right amount of production from their lineup to contend for the postseason.

Glass half-empty: For yet another season, quarterback continues to be the Achilles heel of the Squirrels. Finding a QB1 becomes a difficult task and the team can’t find the right replacement to provide consistent production. Aaron Jones suffers from an unsteady quarterback position and falls short of his past two years of production. Moss and Conner put up middling production as timeshare backs. Michael Thomas rebounds, but never regains what he once was. Kupp might play better with an improved quarterback situation but doesn’t give the team the No. 2 production it needs. The Squirrels hang in there throughout the season, but fall short of the postseason.

Turkey Jerky

Glass half-full: Ryan Fitzpatrick is the surprise stud of the year. In a competitive offense, he finds ways to put up big games as he has done in the past. Maybe Jared Goff outperforms expectations and has to chuck it while playing from behind all the time. D’Andre Swift, likewise, defies expectations and gets a ton of touches as the best player in his offense. Davante Adams and Amari Cooper lead their respective offenses and put up steady weekly numbers. Robert Tonyan has another strong season and gives them an edge at tight end. The Jerky pick up another body in the auction to help them compete for one of the wild card spots.

Glass half-empty: The Jerky struggle to find consistent quarterback production. Fitzpatrick has his moments of brilliance but then throws in some duds. Swift suffers from an anemic offense and the Jerky have no back that can put up No. 1 numbers. Adams faces regression from unsteady quarterback play and Cooper and Tyler Boyd both lose touches to up-and-coming receivers. Robert Tonyan winds up being a flash-in-the-pan, one-year producer. The Jerky just don’t get the output they need to remain competitive in the Southeast Conference playoff race and finish the season on the outside looking in.

Ukraine Grainers

Glass half-full: Deshaun Watson’s legal troubles work themselves out. He avoids suspension, or receives a minimum one at worst, and decides he’d like to continue playing football. He comes back and puts up his usual high numbers. But even if his situation doesn’t work itself out, Jalen Hurts proves last year’s small sample size was a harbinger of things to come. He puts up big numbers with both his legs and arm. Christian McCaffrey stays healthy and picks up where he left off in 2019. Damien Harris finally emerges as the lead back and helps propel the offense. Chris Godwin rebounds from last year’s down year and Courtland Sutton returns from injury to be a strong receiver. Second-year pros Brandon Aiyuk and Jerry Jeudy both take big steps and help give the Grainers a solid receiving corps. George Kittle and Darren Waller give the Grainers a weekly lineup edge. The Grainers roll through the regular season, compete for the North title and make a deep playoff run.

Glass half-empty: Quarterback becomes a shaky position all year long. Watson winds up sidelined for the better part of, if not the entire season. Hurts struggles as a full-time quarterback and throws up erratic production. Matthew Stafford is his usual fringe QB1/2 self. The Grainers struggle to find the right quarterback to play any given week. With the injury to Cam Akers, the Grainers fail to find a complement to CMC. Harris and Chase Edmonds offer sporadic upside. Godwin continues to face stiff competition for targets while Sutton and Jeudy cancel each other out. Will Fuller is his usual boom-or-bust self. Kittle departs via the auction and the Grainers have to rely on Waller as one of their most consistent producers. The Grainers still compete for the North Division crown but can’t advance too far in the postseason.

Wake Island Wookiees

Glass half-full: Welcome back, Saquon Barkley. Oh, how the Wookiees have missed their most explosive player. He returns from injury just fine and puts up RB1 numbers. The team gets better-than-expected production out of James Robinson, who finds a way to put up RB2 numbers despite competition for touches. The Wookiees acquire two veteran receivers via the auction who manage to contribute weekly. T.J. Hockenson becomes the focal point of his offense and gets a ton of targets. Meanwhile, Blake Jarwin — a sleeper choice last season — stays healthy and lives out last season’s expectations this year. The Wookiees hang around all season and fight for the second wild card spot in the Southeast Conference.

Glass half-empty: The Wookiees cannot find a strong, consistent quarterback to give them a weekly floor at the position. Barkley is a little slow to return to his former self and doesn’t finish as highly as most expect him to. James Robinson steals his money and runs. He turns into a flat-out bust, or at best, an average RB3. The Wookiees struggle to sign multiple receivers via the auction to give them competitive numbers at the position. Hockenson gives the Wookiees decent value at the tight end position, but he can’t produce enough to make up for deficiencies at other positions. The Wookiees miss the postseason in 2021 and have to rebuild next year.